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Sex: Super Bowl XLI - Husband versus Wife
Posted January 31, 2007 6:31 PM
We got da Bears playing da Colts on what should prove to be an off-the-charts exciting Super Bowl this year. There is to be a great all guy Bowl party filled with booze, beer, pizza - and did I mention beer - that I've been invited to and was really excited about. As I mentioned it to my wife (thinking that she wouldn't care one bit) suddenly she became a football fan! "What about me and the kid?" (the little person she is speaking of is our four year-old daughter). "What are we supposed to be doing while you're watching the game?" I had to think quickly on my feet, which isn't always easy to do (Imagine the face a monkey might make if he saw a perfect yellow banana growing out of the ass of a bear at the zoo). I was baffled to say the least. "Uh, I dunno, take her to go see Happy Feet?" The response I got was, "And miss the Super Bowl? Why are you the only one who gets to see the game?" To this my quick response was, "Do you even know who's playing in the game?" My smirk of satisfaction was short lived as she sharply replied, "I was excited to watch the commercials you freaking meat head!"
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Of course she wanted to watch the commercials, we all want to watch the commercials, but why should she ruin an otherwise great afternoon by insisting to be a part of a party that she knows she'll never be allowed to go to? Suddenly the expectation is for me to stay home with her and my kid to watch the game by myself and call for her to run into the room once the commercials come on? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME, MAN! That sucks! I'm going to miss all of the hootin' and hollerin', all the booze, all the food and the whipping the ball around the backyard at half time. What's worse is that I'm already a turd heel for fighting with her about it. Now guess what's going to happen? I'm going to sulk the entire time, barely be interested in the biggest game of the year, she'll feel bad for making me stay at home but won't admit that she should have just let me go - unless there's something to gain by being a martyr about it - and neither of us will be happy. Do me a favor, Guyville guys...drop me a line and let me know what outrageous, ridiculous and just plain stupid thing you did at your Super Bowl party and let a brother live vicariously through you. I'm desperate, man!