How To Buy Your Lady Lingerie
Face it. You don't know a damn thing about lingerie. You don't know why it isn't spelled lawnjeray, you don't know what all the different letter and number combinations mean, you sure as hell don't know why they make it so hard to get off. So if your honey has a hankering for some new Hanky Panky this holiday season and you are clueless about where to begin (what is a Hanky Panky?!) ... relax. Help is here.
Guyville's Guide to Gifting Lacy Goodies
Practical vs. playful
There is a difference between everyday undergarments and those indicative of a happy ending. If you have a live-in lady friend, you have probably noticed, resented, and then come to begrudgingly accept that the bedazzled brassieres and titillating thigh-highs from "the first time" have been replaced by an assortment of dingy, stretched-out cotton underthings. Yawn. Chances are you are either in the market to spice up the everyday wears,
or going for a bomb shell item that, when used, will sustain your lingerie fantasies through another three weeks of off-color Fruit of the Loom. You cannot have both, so start getting over that fantasy now.
Don't buy it if it is flammable
Quality matters, especially with items that come into contact with the girlie bits. So running to the nearest discount clothing store to grab the laciest thing you can find (bows and sparkles are a plus!) is not a great choice, especially if you can't instinctively nose out the high quality items on a rack of duds. So even though
Victoria's Secret and the
Nordstrom Lingerie Shop will cost you a pretty penny, you will be investing in a well-made garment that the polyester and feather boys at
Fredericks of Hollywood can only imitate. Polyester and feathers is not necessarily a no-no, but it is not going to cut the mustard for more than a once-in-a-blue moon romp.
Size matters (but you don't have to worry)
The letters are the cup size, with A for the flat-chested femme and D - H for a more buxom Betty. The number indicates the width around her chest, right below her bosoms. There is a system to calculate bra and cup size, but you do not need to know this. Your lovely lass already knows her size. Just look at the tags on all of her bras and undies and remember the numbers you see.
Ask for help
We know. It's like walking into Narnia, or the planet Hoth, when you enter into a lingerie shop. That is, if Narnia or Hoth were places devoted to all things pink and push-up. Avoid culture shock and the impulse to grab the first thong you see and run back to the comforts of nachos and the NFL. Those sales people
LOVE giving advice. They love it. They love giving recommendations and they love helping you pick out your dream negligee. They want you to succeed. Their sole purpose in life is to make your lingerie shopping experience the most fruitful it can be. Take advantage of their vast knowledge. And start purchasing.
