It has gotten to the point where if you don't dedicate yourself to one or two sports starting at age six, you probably shouldn't even bother. Pick up the old pigskin your freshman year of high school just to be one of the guys, and you had better be satisfied with standing in tight little pants on the sidelines for a season because you sure as heck are not going to play. It's the same for all the big-name sports. In a world where suburban soccer moms rule, if talent and devotion do not come early, give up. You'll never be any good.
Which is why obscure sports are the way to go. It's a win-win situation. Excelling means a small contingent of loyal fans and the joy of explaining just what it is you do to the fawning, awe-struck ladies. Failure is inconsequential because no one will ever know.
Parkour
Known as "free-running" in English-speaking countries, parkour is the sultan of sexy athleticism. Originating in France, the goal of a free-runner is to conquer any obstacle in one's path without missing a beat. A fence? Twelve-foot wall? A building? No problem! Parkour's recent explosion in popularity means you have probably seen someone doing it somewhere - remember the opening chase scene of Casino Royale? That is actually Sebastian Foucan, a world-renowned free-runner. And you didn't even know such a thing existed!
Australian Rules Football
Football meets rugby meets manliness. After you've seen Australian football, the pussy-footing American version seems slow, boring, and unnecessarily padded. In Australian football, you jump higher, tackle whenever you want, use a more obscure vocabulary ("speckies," anyone?), and be generally more bad ass than any of those meat-heads you went to college with. When asked, "Do you play football?" you now have the right to look disdainful and say, "I play by Australian rules."
Ultramarathon
It's not televised, it's not an Olympic sport, and most people who do it are out of their freakin' gourds. An ultramarathon refers to any foot race that is more than the regulation twenty-six miles. This usually means fifty to one hundred miles, but some can last up to several days. Most include some sort of severe obstacle, be it inclement weather, rugged terrain, or elevation changes. Extreme-condition ultramarathons run across deserts and snow caps. Just...keep...running.
Cyclo-cross
For the man who embraces spandex, Cyclo-cross is about as cult as it gets in the cycling world. Road-racing meets cross-country, Cyclo-cross events are courses designed to take competitors over a series of obstacles including steep hills, terrain changes, and obstructions requiring riders to dismount, traverse the impediment carrying their bike, and remount in a fluid motion. It's weird, it's wacky, and it's totally sexy.
Jumpstyle
Who says dance isn't a sport? And for all those intimidated by a throbbing bass beat, Jumpstyle is the hardcore man's dancing fallback. Jumpstyle originated in Belgium and spread to Northern France, Germany, and the Netherlands in the mid-2000s. Say hello to clumps of men dancing an aggressive choreography to raging techno music. Say hello to your new legacy. You might want to practice a little bit in the comfort of your own home before you introduce your obscure sexy self to the world.
