Slurpees mean many things to many people. Back in the days when alcohol wasn't an option, a Slurpee was a refreshing substitute. When we were kids, Slurpees kept us cool on hot days and sugar buzzed on boring ones. Slurpees not only tasted amazing (and still do), they made the perfect sludge to pour over your friend's head as an ice-cold prank.
In honor of the beverage we love so much, Guyville.com presents you with The 10 Commandments of the Slurpee.
Handed down on paper cups to man in 1959 by way of a Kansas hamburger stand, these commandments are the imperatives that serve as the moral foundation for Slurpee enjoyment and promotion. The holy covenant between man and 7-11:
I am the Slurpee and there shall be no other carbonated iced beverages before me.
Doth not attempt to create a false Slurpee. Get thee to a 7-11.
Doth not take the Slurpee name in vain. Always speak well of the Slurpee.
Remember that 7-11 is always open and therefore, everyday is Slurpee Sabbath.
Honor thy Slurpee machine and wait until the orange light goes off. It shall tell ye when it is ready.
Doth not kill a Slurpee. Thy brain will freeze.
Stay true to thy Slurpee. Doth not commit adultery with Icees, Slushies or Squishees.
Doth not steal Slurpees. Always pay at the counter.
Doth not be untrue to thy Slurpee, always drink out of the official Slurpee cup. They are inventory after all.
Thou shalt not covet another man's Slurpee. Get thy own.
Thou shalt not judge another man's Slurpee flavor combination.
Follow these commandments as they have been laid out for ye and ye shall find yourself in the good graces of flavor, tingly tastebuds and refreshing cool slurps. For extra caution, an 11th commandment has been added to protect the multi-Slurpee flavor believer.
