While ol' Uncle Petey seems excited for the gig (and who wouldn't with a $33-million paycheck?), heading for the Pacific Northwest hills right as the Joe McKnight scandal surfaces - not to mention USC's worst season in years, GuyVille can't help but be a skeptic. Because remember another powerhouse coach from a few years ago? Rick Pitino, of the legendary University of Kentucky basketball team, was once the Commonwealth's pride and joy. And now? Well... let's just say his personal scandals are just as interesting as anything he is doing over in Louisville these days.

Our favorite UK basketball reporters over at Lexpatriates helped compile this alarmingly repetitive comparison of Rick Pitino and Pete Carroll and all we can say is, "Pete, be weary!"

Because we'd hate to see another God fall to the wayside.

Pete Carroll is Rick Pitinio 2.0

Is this the end?

Can Carroll transfer the glory days of USC to the Seattle Seahawks? Maybe. But probably not. Those who know football know that college coaching and the NFL are two different ball games. And the bonus of being named the Seahawk's Vice President is again reminiscent of Pitino's full serving of domination as Head Coach, CEO and Team President. Too much power... not enough time.

To complete the full Pitino Circle of Failure, Carroll need only perform sub-standardly for the Hawks, be re-hired at USC's biggest rival UCLA, and have a sordid affair with another man's wife in a restaurant bathroom.

Keep your wits about you, Pete. GuyVille is rooting for you.

There are some really nifty ways to tie ties out there and the guys at TieKnot.comhave the best how-to images to help you out. You have no excuse.

Tie Knots Every Man Should Know

The Four-in-Hand - the most basic and classic tie knot. It can be used with nearly every tie and fits well in the collar of a shirt.

The Windsor- A more complicated knot that the Four-in-Hand, this guy is fat and designed to make a statement. Not that if your Windsor isn't symmetrical, or if the knot is too big for your collar, you are going to look like a fool.

The Half-Windsor - a less vocal and pretentious knot. This one is classy and smart, and there is minimal risk of you looking like a goofball with a full-Windsor knot that is bigger than your Adam's apple.

The Cross Knot - for the man who wears a skinny tie and wants it to stand out. This knot is ridiculous, but if you can do it flawlessly you are going to make major waves. Practice makes perfect.

Don't be one of the millions that just throws their knife on the shelf after a year. It's bad enough you think of me not getting any every time you struggle to make a cut - don't waste an epic knife with your name on it while you're at it. Be a man of action with:

GuyVille's Guide to Sharpening the Personalized Lock-Back Knife

There are two internationally sanctioned sharpening methods agreed upon by old whittling guys across the globe:

1) A Sharpening Stone. Sorry, we don't sell personalized sharpening stones, but you can find one at... wait for it... a knife shop (also look at a hardware store or Knife Art). There's a wide variety of sharpening stones: some need oil, others use water for lubrication. The bottom line is they both work just about the same, so don't spend more than $10 bucks on one.

How to Sharpen a Knife with a Sharpening Stone:

Step 1: Place the stone in one hand. In the other hand, take your knife and place the knife blade on the flat edge of the stone. With the blade of the knife angled at 10 degrees to the stone, pull the knife back away from the stone. Rubbing the blade at this angle will increase its ability to slice through wood - and it will help you forget about my lack of gal pals.

Step 2: Continue sharpening the knife by flipping the blade over each time you pull it along the stone so both sides of the blade are equally as sharp.

Step 3: Sharpen your knife as often as you see fit. It should slice right through a sheet of paper.

2) A Sharpening Steel. Conventionally, there's little difference between the stone and the steel, but Vicornox, the makers of Swiss Army Knives, recommend using this method of knife sharpening. Another upside for the steel is that you probably already have one inside your house.

How to Sharpen a Knife with a Sharpening Steel:

Step 1: If you own a knife block, go to it and pull out the one thing that doesn't look like a knife. That round shaft is a sharpening steel and it's just the tool for your personalized Lock-Back Knife.

Step 2: Resting the end of the steel on a hard surface, hold the steel at a 90-degree angle so the handle of the steel points at the floor. In you dominate hand, take you knife and guide it along the steel at an angle of about 10 degrees off the stone. Imagine that you're pealing the steel with your knife.

Step 3: Continue sharpening on both sides of the knife and test the sharpness with a piece of paper.

I recently acquired Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and I freakin' love it. My girlfriend, on the other hand, does not. She says that it has pushed the envelope too far. Apparently, controlling the actions of a fake terrorist as he blows away fake innocent bystanders can be considered morally reprehensible. And while I am happy to just agree to disagree (it's FAKE! It's a VIDEO GAME!) about the amoral implications of MW2, she is not. It is beginning to put a strain on our relationship. What do I do?

Guyville to the Rescue

If you do live together and "alone time" doesn't really exist anymore, or if you don't want to lump your new favorite video game in with nudey magazines and eating chili cold out of the can, things get a little more complicated.

You could give Modern Warfare 2 to your neighbor and constantly run out of sugar or eggs or Drain-o so you have an excuse to run over and get a few quick rounds in.

You could lie and say that it's All Boys and No Girls Poker Night at your house once a week, but actually have it be All Boys and No Girls Modern Warfare Night. Just leave a card deck or two out on the kitchen table and crush some tortilla chips into the carpet so it looks like Men have been around.

You could use time to play Modern Warfare 2 as a bartering tool. "I promise to stop making snarky remarks during Project Runway if you stop accusing me of being a heartless, mindless drone when I play MW2."

You could try to explain again that it is just a game and you don't actually think being a terrorist and killing hipsters at the local Jamba Juice is cool or a good idea.

Try to turn the sound down really low so you can pretend you are actually playing a nice game, like Wii Golf or Mario Kart.

You could just ignore her complaints and comments and continue to play and laugh (yes, laugh!) as the body count increases. In for a penny, in for a pound. Note: I only recommend this one if you don't really like your girlfriend anymore...

For more sneak-tastic methods of avoiding detection, check out Guyville's tips on hiding your video game addiction.

We here at Guyville wish you the most merry of holidays this week. Sit back and relax. Indulge in pecan pie and savory turbaconucken. Play video games and watch football and sleep in and wear your slippers all day long. Even when you run out for an extra bottle of Captain Morgan when your supply of Hot Buttered Rum is diminishing.

Rejoice! We hope that all your holiday wishes come true, and that there are many wonderful personalized pub signs (with your name on them!) under the Yule tree.

And then you see the mass of mostly-empty beer cans and broken champagne bottles littering the floor of your apartment.

And then you choke back the first bout of hangover vomit.

And then you see two people you don't recognize sleeping on the couch without their pants on.

And then you remember that last night was a raging New Years celebration.

It's a good thing '2009 you' prepared for the aftermath of a Night-of-Your-Life Party with  hangover cures in this:

Your Morning After New Year's Party Care Package

Well, lucky you. Because starting Wednesday December 16, Guyville is hosting a baller 20% off next-day shipping sale. Your wish has been granted.

But your wish only lasts for two days, from Wednesday December 16 to Thursday December 17. Take advantage now!

Whether you're trying for a wink from a passing stranger or trying to land a guest in the back seat, your car has a huge impact on attracting the opposite sex.

By now, you already know a yellow Lamborghini will turn heads in your direction, but you don't have to drive a hot rod to get a hot broad. In a recent study by Ford, 58 percent of men and women agree that the condition of their date's car has an impact on their ongoing attraction with the person.

The idea behind the "chick magnet" theory says that some people get excited over certain automobiles because the car presents an opportunity of adventure. Back in the days of American Graffiti, adventure meant going super fast and playing tricks on the local cops with Richie Cunningham. Nowadays, people are more concerned about technology, reliability and efficiency when it comes to their auto adventures.

Sure. It sounds awesome to pound the nitrous oxide switch and add 400hp in a single shot, but most of us would rather not live life one-quarter mile at a time.

IT'S WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Instead of focusing on speed, make your ride sweet by overhauling the interior. You don't have to break the bank with tachometers the size of wall clocks. Some well placed all-weather floor mats, aggressive pedal covers and door sill protectors give your potential gal pals the message "I put time into my car, but I've still got time for you."

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

The inside of your car is your second home. Make it a cozy place by installing Thermo-Tec mats to all the walls of your car and by spraying Mr. Gasket sound dampening material in any loose spaces. These two products will increase insulation and reduce vibrations, making your chick magnet a snug, quiet ride.

A SCOOP OF FUN

If you're looking for head-turning excitement, add aggressive hood scoops and body kits and make your ride stand out on the street. Hood scoops offer the expectation of performance drive trains and incredible horsepower. Your car will look so fast with these custom body kits that neighbors will yell "SLOW DOWN!" when you're at a complete stop.

Remember, unless the lady is a real gear head, she isn't going to care about cold air intakes or torque converters. All a girl wants when she jumps into your ride is a clean, warm and inviting environment with a hint of bad boy. Even if you don't drive a sports car, you can make these simple interior upgrades and your ride will become a chick magnet.

Oh. Dear. God. Not Little Women again! Your argument of "just because it has a Christmas scene, doesn't mean it's a Christmas movie" is weaker than your left-handed layup.

You reach for a compromise, but all you have is A Christmas Story. It's tired, dated and you've seen that little snot neighbor kid stick his tongue to the light pole every year since you were five. Skip the heart-tingling Santa story and choose something with some gusto. Maybe an explosion or two. Better yet, how about a crane kick to the face?

Before we start our "Movies at Christmas, but not about Christmas" list, here are some that didn't quite make it:

Home Alone - It's not directly about Christmas, and it comes with a healthy dose of slapstick buffoonery with a side of air gun blasts to the groin. However, if you forgot Marv and Harry were burglarizing houses during the holidays, you should slap cheeks with both hands and scream.

Edward Scissorhands - What seemed like a majestic trip inside Tim Burton's mind, now looks like just another Tim Burton movie. Honestly, who wants clippers for hands? No fingers, just sharp pointy blades. How are you supposed to pee? As a Guyville first, we say let Johnny be a guy pirate all he wants, but leave the scissor dude in the 80's. Edward Scissorhands is not a guy movie.

Reindeer Games - Who would have thought you could take a simple line from Rudolph and turn it into an action-packed thriller. Ben Affleck, that's who. Trust us, it's a terrible movie. One CNN review said, "Reindeer Games isn't at the bottom of the creative barrel, but it's close." You're better off watching Little Women again.

With that said, nothing will put you into a jollier mood than these totally guy Christmas movies:

10. Dead Poets Society

O' Captain! My Captain! Ok, it might not put you in the most jolly of moods, but this coming of age tale about a poetry teacher inspiring seven young prep school boys to seize the day is a refreshing reminder that Robin Williams wasn't always making an ass of himself. You'll laugh. You'll cry (that's not an understatement. The room might get a little dusty when one of the seven doesn't quite pull through). Using our Little Woman logic, since the movie take place throughout a school year and there are Christmas scenes - it totally counts.

9. Lethal Weapon

"I'm too old for this shit!" I'm too old to remember Mel Gipson was supposed to be "the lethal weapon". I'm too old to remember he was a hunky sex God with a mullet. And I'm too old to remember all four movies revolved around Murtaugh's family providing a shelter for Riggs to rebuild his shattered life - starting with a heartfelt Christmas meal. This crazy awesome buddy cop flick will make you think dislocating your shoulder to escape from a straight jacket is just as easy as it looks. Go ahead, try it!

8. Psycho

Fun factoid: since red blood looks gray when filmed in black and white, Alfred Hitchcock used Hersey's Syrup to simulate blood in the shower scene. This is one of those solid movies where you probably know the ending, but have never sat down and watched the whole thing. Where's Christmas? We're unsure if they ever mention the holidays, but there are signs of Christmas trees and ornaments sprinkled throughout the film.

7. Ghostbusters II

Vigo. The master of evil. Tryin' to battle my boys. That's not legal. The boys in gray are back at it to stop the end of the world on New Year's Eve 1989. On a scale of one to awesome, the Ghostbusters are pretty high on the list, but this movie hurts their legacy. It seemed like a mishmash of all the ideas they couldn't fit into the first movie: The Statue of Liberty crossing the Hudson. The tired love story with Sigourney Weaver. Slimer sliming things for the hell of it. Even without bringing anything new to the table, Ghostbusters II has timeless special effects and some sweet late 80's rap that you'll be hummin' before the night is through.

6. Die Hard 2 - Die Harder

Nowadays, we don't fart around with the idea of terrorists hijacking planes and crashing them during the holidays. But back in 1990, airline terrorists seem to be as mythical as Santa himself. Just like Ghostbusters II, the first Die Hard sequel seems to be just another rehash of the first one. How does a New York cop find himself in Chicago, only to fight terrorists - again on Christmas Eve? This time McClane has shoes (a big plus) and he uses a lighter to blow up a 747!

5. Batman Returns

After his aristocratic parents leave him at the doorstep of the city zoo, a deformed child grows under the care of penguins to become an evil arch nemesis of the caped crusader. Weak sauce, Mr. Penguin! Watch out, you might get me with your umbrella. Lucky for us Michelle Pfeiffer steals the show as the sexiest Catwoman to ever don pleather. It's not the best out of the litter, but it's far from the worst. Remember, Christmas is to winter as Batman is to badass.

4. The Karate Kid

When my kids ask me "what were the 80's like?" I'll show them the You're the Best fight montage during the All Hill Valley Karate Tournament (along with the scene Axel Foley drives down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills Cop and the opening sequence to The A-Team. Those three things were the 1980's through my prepubescent eyes.) Bill Simmons describes Mr. Miyagi as "a cross between Mickey from "Rocky," Pop from "The Longest Yard" and Confucious." There's no one you can hate more than that blond douche Johnny Lawrence, and you can't help but feel like Daniel-san would tear the whole Cobra Kia dojo a new one by the end of the movie. BTW, the All Hill Valley Karate Tournament happens in December. There are Christmas lights in the background. Crane kick this DVD in the player and start sweeping the leg.

3. Rocky IV

The movie that single handedly ended the Cold War! Rocky retires. Apollo fights the Russian. Apollo dies. Rocky unretires. Goes to Russia. Hearts on Fire montage as he climbs the impossibly steep snowy mountain. Rocky fights the Russian. Rocky wins! "I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you's can change, everybody can change!" You guessed it. Rocky won the fight on Christmas Day.

2. Gremlins

Three rules: Stay away from bright light. Stay away from water. Stay away from food after midnight. No, these aren't the rules for your one-night stand. This is to prevent your mogwai from multiplying. Billy receives little 'Gizmo' for Christmas and everything goes to hell when it multiplies and takes over the town. The weirdest part about this 'kinda Christmas movie' is when Kate tells Billy that her fear of Christmas was hatched as a child when her father broke his neck sneaking down the chimney dress like Santa Clause.

1. Die Hard

What does it mean to die hard? Apparently, it's when you fall to your death from an 80 story building in downtown Los Angeles. As the ultimate guy Christmas flick, Die Hard passes the test of time. No other story about a shoeless cop thwarting a band of foreign terrorists on Christmas Eve comes close. Seriously. Watch this movie again. The cinematography is jaw dropping. The story is compelling. And Bruce Willis? Yippee kai yay, mother-effing fantastic!

8 Things Andy Murray Should Have Done

1. Gotten his girlfriend hooked, too. Nothing says love and "us time" like teaming up to stop Russia's virtual invasion of the United States.

2. Hidden his console and any evidence of playing. Most men master this at the age of 15 when the fruits of internet and cable access are discovered, so the instant channel-flip, computer screen minimize, and controller stash should be ingrained.

3. Convinced his girlfriend that he was required to play. Faster reaction time killing Nazi zombies equals faster reaction time on the tennis court. Everyone knows that.

4. Turned his bathroom into a gamer paradise. Move all the equipment into a locking lavatory, feign some food poisoning, and enjoy uninterrupted hours of WOW. Just keep the sound off, or there will be some explaining to do.

5. Blamed it on someone else. "That's not my Halo. That's Federer's game. Go talk to his girl friend."

6. Scheduled lots of long trips. She won't want to go to a week long underground tennis tourney in Bulgaria. Invent trips, hole up in a hotel, and have at it.

7. Masked his stories of gaming triumphs with language his girlfriend can relate to. "I went out with Jeremy the other day to stock up on supplies, and we ended up saving a ton of cash!" is the non-video game addict version of "Yesterday, after completing our gather quest, Neldor Moonshadow and I received a huge amount of in-game money!" No one is the wiser.

8. Dumped her first. Wear the Gamer Badge with pride. If she doesn't like the situation, she can hit the road. Some other girl will appreciate dedication, skill, and precision shooting for what it's worth.

1. Magazine subscriptions that won't make Grandma blush (or scare her): Cooking Light, National Geographic, AutoWeek, Sports Illustrated.





2. Retro Duo NES/SNES Game System. You know you didn't throw away those games. They're in that box under your bed, next to, the you know.


3. Personalized black leather can koozie. For your Pepsi. (Yeah, right.)


4. R2 D2 USB Hub (All they need to understand is that it's R2 D2, not what it does)


5. The A-Team Complete Series, Seasons 1-5. Insert the necessary "Pity the fool" joke here.


6. Gift cards from the grocery store. Every grocery store now has one of those giant kiosks of gift cards that have everything from iTunes, Macy's, Sears, Home Depot, Barnes and Noble and more. It's OK to say "I sure could use some gift cards to Home Depot to buy that belt sander I've always wanted...."
7. The Ham Dogger. Make hamburgers into the shape of hot dogs. Your mom will think it's cute, but you already know about the burger/weiner jokes you'll be making next summer as you serve these up.


8. AA Rechargable USBCELL Batteries. That's right, recharge these AAs with your laptop or whatever via a flip top to access a USB stick. And it's less than $20.






9. Liquid Image Videomask Underwater Digital Video and Camera. Scuba, snorkle and fish your way around the ocean floor, capturing it all on film. Waterproof and 5megapixel makes this toy truly a gift that does not suck.


10. English Muffin 2 Slice Toaster and Egg Poacher. Oh yes, all in one. You could even set this near your bed, roll over and turn it on, without burning your foot Michael Scott-George Foreman grill- bacon style.


11. The Arkeg. You'll never get one, but it couldn't really hurt to put it on your universal Amazon wishlist could it? The Arkeg is an arcade game system with a refridgerating unit inside for a 5 gallons keg plus CO2 tank for tapping said keg. Go the extra mile and customize with side art decals and a barstool. You'll never have to go outside again.

The answer is probably not. However, electric razors have become common gifts for men during the holiday season, and whether you are looking to purchase one for your dad or interested in popping one on your own wish list, here are some hints on the investment you're about to make.

Electric Razor Pros

• In a comparison to shaving with a cartridge razor, water, and shaving cream, electric razors are predictably faster and less messy.
• They reduce the risk of nicks, bloody gouges and ingrown hairs, and often they get the job done with a little more punch (thanks to the raw power of electricity) so you won't have to go over the same thick patch over and over again.
• For guys constantly on the road, electric razors are easy to store in a travel bag and do not require additional grooming products like shaving cream, gels, and even water.
• When manipulating varying facial hair patterns like sideburns and goatees, electric razors can be more versatile and accurate.

Electric Razor Cons

• If you want that smooth-as-a-baby's bottom feel, you are just not going to get it with an electric razor. Some do a better job than others, certainly, and there are a couple electric razors that will get you pretty dang close. But it just isn't the same.

• They can get spendy. Like, up to $300 spendy. Compared to that 8 buck off-brand Quatro-blade disposable, it can be a daunting investment - even though if you stick with it, it will save you money in the long run.
• Electric means loud. And with some razors, really loud.
• Without some practice, electric razors can leave you bumpy, burned, and wait...is that a hint of acne? It can take about a month for some guys to get their faces trained to not boycott this new shaving system.
  

It Pays Off When You Pay Up

The Hardware

Foil Shavers have a single, perforated surface that slides across your face, with horizontal cutters underneath that trim the hair. Foil razors will give you a slightly closer shave than competing electric razors, and are less irritating to skin. However, they are much more delicate and usually more expensive.
Rotary Shavers usually have three rotating heads with multiple interior cutting blades. Rotary shavers have a better handle on longer facial hair and are more adept at navigating the contours of the face. Generally, they are more durable than foil razors.
All-Purpose Trimmers are ideal for men who want only a trim, as opposed to full-fledged hairlessness. They usually come with multiple heads and adjustable lengths so one machine will take care of mustaches, sideburns, and beards.

You Should Get An Electric Razor If :

• You like a little bit of manly stubble, even though you just shaved.
• You travel frequently (and always have extra batteries on hand).
• You massacre your face every time you use a cartridge razor, and are tired of bleeding.
• You let your beard grow out quite a bit in-between shaves.
• You make a mess with the water and shaving gel.
• Machines make you feel more manly.

None of these sound like you? Stick with the tried and true! You can still gift some pretty awesome shaving accessories that aren't electric. Think about a personalized Mach3 razor with badger brush on a chrome plated stand. Cool and classy.

Guyville's Guide to Gifting Lacy Goodies

Practical vs. playful

Don't buy it if it is flammable

Size matters (but you don't have to worry)

Ask for help

Which is why obscure sports are the way to go. It's a win-win situation. Excelling means a small contingent of loyal fans and the joy of explaining just what it is you do to the fawning, awe-struck ladies. Failure is inconsequential because no one will ever know.

Parkour

Australian Rules Football

Ultramarathon

Cyclo-cross

Jumpstyle