Sex

Chick Magnetize Your Car in Minutes

Posted December 14, 2009 3:12 PM

Whether you're trying for a wink from a passing stranger or trying to land a guest in the back seat, your car has a huge impact on attracting the opposite sex.

By now, you already know a yellow Lamborghini will turn heads in your direction, but you don't have to drive a hot rod to get a hot broad. In a recent study by Ford, 58 percent of men and women agree that the condition of their date's car has an impact on their ongoing attraction with the person.

The idea behind the "chick magnet" theory says that some people get excited over certain automobiles because the car presents an opportunity of adventure. Back in the days of American Graffiti, adventure meant going super fast and playing tricks on the local cops with Richie Cunningham. Nowadays, people are more concerned about technology, reliability and efficiency when it comes to their auto adventures.

Sure. It sounds awesome to pound the nitrous oxide switch and add 400hp in a single shot, but most of us would rather not live life one-quarter mile at a time.

IT'S WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Instead of focusing on speed, make your ride sweet by overhauling the interior. You don't have to break the bank with tachometers the size of wall clocks. Some well placed all-weather floor mats, aggressive pedal covers and door sill protectors give your potential gal pals the message "I put time into my car, but I've still got time for you."

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

The inside of your car is your second home. Make it a cozy place by installing Thermo-Tec mats to all the walls of your car and by spraying Mr. Gasket sound dampening material in any loose spaces. These two products will increase insulation and reduce vibrations, making your chick magnet a snug, quiet ride.

A SCOOP OF FUN

If you're looking for head-turning excitement, add aggressive hood scoops and body kits and make your ride stand out on the street. Hood scoops offer the expectation of performance drive trains and incredible horsepower. Your car will look so fast with these custom body kits that neighbors will yell "SLOW DOWN!" when you're at a complete stop.

Remember, unless the lady is a real gear head, she isn't going to care about cold air intakes or torque converters. All a girl wants when she jumps into your ride is a clean, warm and inviting environment with a hint of bad boy. Even if you don't drive a sports car, you can make these simple interior upgrades and your ride will become a chick magnet.

How To Buy Your Lady Lingerie

Posted November 25, 2009 1:33 PM

Face it. You don't know a damn thing about lingerie. You don't know why it isn't spelled lawnjeray, you don't know what all the different letter and number combinations mean, you sure as hell don't know why they make it so hard to get off. So if your honey has a hankering for some new Hanky Panky this holiday season and you are clueless about where to begin (what is a Hanky Panky?!) ... relax. Help is here.

Guyville's Guide to Gifting Lacy Goodies

Practical vs. playful

There is a difference between everyday undergarments and those indicative of a happy ending. If you have a live-in lady friend, you have probably noticed, resented, and then come to begrudgingly accept that the bedazzled brassieres and titillating thigh-highs from "the first time" have been replaced by an assortment of dingy, stretched-out cotton underthings. Yawn. Chances are you are either in the market to spice up the everyday wears, or going for a bomb shell item that, when used, will sustain your lingerie fantasies through another three weeks of off-color Fruit of the Loom. You cannot have both, so start getting over that fantasy now.

Don't buy it if it is flammable

Quality matters, especially with items that come into contact with the girlie bits. So running to the nearest discount clothing store to grab the laciest thing you can find (bows and sparkles are a plus!) is not a great choice, especially if you can't instinctively nose out the high quality items on a rack of duds. So even though Victoria's Secret and the Nordstrom Lingerie Shop will cost you a pretty penny, you will be investing in a well-made garment that the polyester and feather boys at Fredericks of Hollywood can only imitate. Polyester and feathers is not necessarily a no-no, but it is not going to cut the mustard for more than a once-in-a-blue moon romp.

Size matters (but you don't have to worry)

The letters are the cup size, with A for the flat-chested femme and D - H for a more buxom Betty. The number indicates the width around her chest, right below her bosoms. There is a system to calculate bra and cup size, but you do not need to know this. Your lovely lass already knows her size. Just look at the tags on all of her bras and undies and remember the numbers you see.

Ask for help

We know. It's like walking into Narnia, or the planet Hoth, when you enter into a lingerie shop. That is, if Narnia or Hoth were places devoted to all things pink and push-up. Avoid culture shock and the impulse to grab the first thong you see and run back to the comforts of nachos and the NFL. Those sales people LOVE giving advice. They love it. They love giving recommendations and they love helping you pick out your dream negligee. They want you to succeed. Their sole purpose in life is to make your lingerie shopping experience the most fruitful it can be. Take advantage of their vast knowledge. And start purchasing.

Navigating the Language Barrier: A Quest to Seduce Foreign Hotties

Posted November 9, 2009 1:39 PM

She is an icon. The driving force behind Rosetta Stone advertisements and the American Pie franchise. The wet dream of any male student whose high school has the good fortune of a sister school. The real reason college graduates put off the real world to "find themselves" in the public showers of hostels.

Hot. Foreign. Chicks.

But how oh how do you communicate your ready willingness to do...well, pretty much anything when you have barely mastered "where is the bathroom?" Guyville is here to save the day with some much-needed pointers on landing the girl of your exotic dreams.

The Guyville Guide to Foreign Females: The Western Europe Edition

Study the demographic. Depending on where you are (at home attempting to land the sexy exchange student or abroad, a lone tiger shark in a whole sea of opportunity), you have one thing going for you. You are not them. You are different. And as much as that piques your interest in the opposite sex, often times the reverse is also true: they will be attracted to you because you are different.

This, however, is not enough. In most parts of Western Europe, the reaction to an average American dude does not equal your reaction to petite, cigarette smoking, throaty-voiced French women. Tough luck. The trick is to straddle the wavering line between being noticeably different and at the same time comfortably familiar. This can be done in several ways:

Fashion: If there are three things that really differ between American fashion and that of Western Europe, they are footwear, glasses, and cold-weather paraphernalia. You may hate to hear it, but faux-artistic super-metro Bill from work is heading in the right direction. Embrace the world of wing-tips with casual wear or retro-high tops with your everyday jeans. Pop on a neutral-colored scarf over your Northface jacket. Forget the contacts and pull out the old horn-rimmed specs from days gone by. Cardigans. Adding in a few Euro-approved accessories to your everyday look creates the kind of tension in appearance those overseas ladies love. Giving them a reason to give you the time of day is step one.

Language: There is no need to become a Francophile or Anglophile or any other type of -phile and drop American English from your repertoire. But learning how to say a few choice phrases in the language of your (wishful) lover is ideal for a number of seducing strategies. Imagine this: you approach the woman of your foreign fantasies, translation dictionary in hand. In stumbling, poorly-accented German, you stare her in her sparkling blue eyes and stutter, "you... are...beautiful." What a killer pick-up. Guaranteed at least a small chuckle, if not a segue into full-fledged conversation. Step two, complete.

Dance: Conversation is tricky, especially if a mutual proficiency in a common language is absent. If a extensive verbal exchange is imminent and neither of you have a clue what the other is saying, don't panic. That is step three. Do. Not. Panic. Because, when there are no words, music and motion speak. So figure out how to dance. Not like a 50 Cent music video. Please, for the love of God, anything but that. Different countries have different standards of dance. Unfortunately for the U.S., the "grind-line" has become the paradigm of gettin' down. Do not fall to this primitive style of lustful expression, certain to alienate and horrify any girl who did not grow up in the American public school system. Learn some killer moves that let her feel like a lady. A tip: Start out facing her, with about two feet between her torso and yours. If she goes for something a little more pelvis-oriented, all the better for you. But let her make the move.

If, even after these almost-surefire steps, you still fail in fulfilling your life-long foreigner fantasy, do not fret too much. Long-distance relationships almost never work. And there is always that tricky obstacle of mysterious dental hygiene to consider, so really... you might be better off without.

The Top 10 Sexiest Men's Halloween Costumes

Posted October 8, 2009 4:50 PM

You have to love Halloween. It's one night a year when women compete for the sexiest, smuttiest, most cleavage-popping outfit in the room. From sexy nurse to sexy Hitler, Halloween is a time women let their guards down and flaunt it. But guys don't despair - you can be sexy on Halloween too. Join in on the fun with Guyville's Sexiest Men's Halloween Costume Guide.

Top Ten Men's Halloween Costumes for 2009

10. Hot Vampire Costume

True Blood and Twilight are a hot phenomenon, and make for a crazy easy costume choice. Let your lady friend hook up with Edward for a night.

How to pull it off:

• Long gray coat or flannel shirt, circa mid 90's Seattle grunge
• Navy blue shirt
• Rayban sunglasses
• Leather cuff bracelet

Go the extra step with powder or white face body paint mixed with body glitter and Twilight contact lenses. Don't use the pick-up line "Can I suck your blood?" Lame. Hide out, dark and mysterious in the corner.

9. Michael Jackson

The King of Pop's death will have everyone wanting to "Beat It" one last time. Unfortunately, Michael Jackson's death in June didn't give manufacturers enough time to produce those terrible looking rubber masks. He might be dead, but he's still sexy.

How to pull it off:

Throw on your wig and rhinestone glove and tell Billie Jean that she's not your lover. You can start crotch grabbing with this red "Beat It" jacket for only $100 dollars.

8. Star Trek Blue Uniform

Boldly go where so many other people are going this year. Thanks to J.J. Abrams, everyone is setting their phasers to freakin' awesome when they rock this science officer Spock costume.

How to pull it off:

If you're a diehard trekkie, I shouldn't have to tell you.

7. G.I. Joe Cobra Commander Adult Costume

You saw G.I. Joe: The Movie, and you still want to represent? Good for you. Dedicate yourself to the cause by practicing the Cobra lisp all month long.

How to pull it off:

There's no getting around it. If you want to be the Cobra Commander, you're out $80 bucks.

6. Red Ranger Classic Adult Costume

Hell yes, it's morphin' time! Sure, Power Rangers aren't in the main stream, but that's why everyone will say "look at that bad ass Red Ranger!"

How to pull it off:

Add white gloves, and you'll be karate kicking up the place!

5. Patrick Swayze

Who cares if it's too soon, nobody puts this costume idea in the corner. We admit Swayze didn't have many roles with crazy props or outrageous costumes, and you might have to explain your costume to the chagrin of mopey faces. But he's still a movie icon.

How to pull it off:

Wear all black.The key is to rock the black tank top (and if it's cold outside, pop the collar on a black leather jacket). Grow out a tight mullet, and grind up on every sexy nurse in the room!

4. Kate from John & Kate Plus 8

A little cross-dressing can go a long way for a memorable costume. Kate Gosselin exploited her litter of kids for fame and fortune, there's no reason why you can't get a laugh at her expense.

How to pull it off:

The hair is the key. When you throw on this Eight is Too Much wig, everyone will completely believe you crapped out 8 kids and you belittle your estranged husband. For an extra touch, grab black sunglasses with giant round lenses, and rub on some blush to look like you're always pouting. Carry around 8 kids if you really need to drive the point home.

3. Green Man from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Even if they've never seen the show before, this costume is a jaw dropper. The site claims that it's fairly easy to see through the mask in well lit areas - I guess that's good news?

How to pull it off:

This is a skin tight, polyester/spandex suit. Try packin' a little extra something down there to feed the ladies' imagination.

2. Don Draper from Mad Men

Suit up and smack a secretary on the hinny. That's what Don Draper would do. With a personalized highball glass in your hand, you'll throw down witty advertising clichés all night long.

How to pull it off:

Once again, you can make or break this outfit with the hair. It might take a few tries, or a hand full of grease to master the raked-back, shiny black hair of Jon Hamm. After that, the gray suit with a skinny tie will bring you up to speed with early 60's fashion.

1. Halo 3 Master Chief Supreme Edition Adult Costume

A costume so cool, it makes comic book guy jealous. With EVA molded armor, molded gauntlets and a two-piece deluxe Master Chief helmet, you'll be ready to defend against the Flood of women coming your way.

You are impressed with how I handle my sniper? You should see what I can do with my weapon under the armor. Worst pick-up line. Ever.

How to pull it off:

Shell out $900 and grasp onto what's left of your dignity.

Seth Rogen Discusses Megan Fox Rejection:

Posted August 3, 2009 11:23 AM

If you had the opportunity to be rejected by Megan Fox on live television would you take? Well, Seth Rogen just so happened to have such a dubious honor befall him in 2007 on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Watch below as the two laugh about the hilarious encounter and review the archived clip:

This video begs the question: would you rather be rejected by Megan Fox on live television or avoid the whole messy experience altogether. Comment on this post below and let Guyville.com know!

How to Live Like the Mad Men

Posted July 20, 2009 1:17 PM

Move over James Bond. There's a new sleek, suave, womanizing icon, and he's a mad man. If you're not on board yet, AMC's Mad Men turns the wholesome image of the 1950's on its head as advertising mogul Don Draper guides you through the debauchery and antics of doing business on Madison Avenue. If you want to be in high fashion this fall, or you just need something to talk about with the ladies, stick with Guyville and our buddy, Don Draper.

Slick Back

Slick, shinny, greased up hair was a symbol of the 1950's. Hell, it's probably easier to pull off this look than the current 'awesome looking under achiever who just got out of bed.' When your hair is in perfect order, it looks like you can rule the world.

Be Mysterious

When you refuse to talk about your past, it flips a switch in women to rip off your clothes to find out more about you. The other benefit is when people wonder about us, it makes us more important.

Don Draper's Tip

Make up a back-story to overshadow your troubled past and pick a new name. Nobody is lucky enough to actually be given a legendary name like Donald Draper at birth.

Suit Up

The suit is like the like a new layer of skin above the epidermis. If you're following Draper's lead, the slimmer the better. The skinny tie. The tapered jacket. The pressed paints. If the suit actually fits, looking square is the sexy way to go. If you look the part, see the Mad Men casting call.

Don Draper's Tip

keep a stack of folded white dress shirts in your desk drawer just in case you were out all night with a "client."

Womanize with Tact

Whenever referring to a woman, the phrases 'sweetheart', 'doll face' and 'hot lips' are all acceptable names to call out when you want their attention. When you're trying to sweet talk a lady, use phrases like "What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons," and finish it up with some explanation about how "there's no tomorrow, so we need to be together now."

Smokes and Drinks

I've never had a cigarette in my life, but they smoke so often on this show that I am convinced:

1. It looks awesome
2. It can't be that bad for you
3. It's a proven way to get chicks

Any moment you're not smoking like a chimney, it's imperative that you have a drink in your hand. And we're talking any time of the day - working, driving or even pleasuring a woman. Don's Tip: Have a set of personalized glasses so when your boss has to take a glass of brandy out the door for his car ride home; he'll know who to return it to. (People were totally crazy like this in the 50's, so the glasses aren't really recommended for this purpose, but they still look pretty cool.)

This is your chance to get caught up. Mad Men Season 3 premiers in August!

Appalachian Trail or Argentina Tail?

Posted June 25, 2009 9:07 AM

When news about the MIA South Carolina Governor revealed a potential scandal in the making, no one expected the Governor to do what he did next. Instead of spin some political trickery, Mark Sanford made a public statement explaining his affair in detail.

The Governor had said he was taking a hike through the Appalachian Trail when in truth he'd been seeing his Argentinian mistress.

Tweeters have taken the Sanford story and ran with it, as tweeters so often do. People everywhere are asking Mr. Sanford: was it the Appalachian trail you were looking for, or just some Argentinian tail?

Watch Governor Mark Sanford's now infamous press conference detailing his extra martial activities.

Megan Fox: Still Thumbs Up in our Book

Posted June 12, 2009 1:12 PM

Recent Megan Fox Clubbed Thumb Gossip Begs the Question:

After our Maxim's 100 hottest posting, we couldn't stop thinking about Megan Fox. Not only was she the runaway winner of our opinion poll for the hottest of Maxim's 100 hot celebs, the young star who broke onto the Hollywood scene with her role in the summer hit Transformers is a bombshell. But that's not why she's been in the news of late.

Some recent fashion shots revealing Megan Fox's thumb digit have shown us that the seemingly flawless actress isn't perfect after all. Apparently, Megan Fox has a genetic disorder known as brachydactyly. That's 'short stubby thumb syndrome' for all of you who didn't attend medical school.

She doesn't seem to mind her clubbed thumbs. And if you look as good as Megan, and are as confident about your deficiencies as Ms. Fox appears to be, you could have clubbed goat feet and we'd make due.

The internet was abuzz about Fox's odd thumbs yesterday, so we wanted to ask all you guys out there what you thought about Megan Fox's funky fingers. Now that you know Megan Fox has carny thumbs, does it change your opinion of the stunning star? Is it just us, or did brachydactyly suddenly become a more appealing trait? Let us know what you think.

Maxim's 100 Hottest Party 2009

Posted May 15, 2009 2:14 PM

Maxim's 100 Hottest Party Doesn't Disappoint

Didn't Get The Invite? Here's a Rundown of What You Missed

That's right, guys. It's that time of year again. Maxim held its 10th annual Hot 100 celebration, a yearly tribute to the magazine's top 100 female celebs for 2009. Its a list we've all grown to know and love over the ten years. If this is the first time you've heard of the Maxim event, check out the video above to see what everyone is chattering about (or should I say staring at?).

The party was held this Wednesday evening at the Barker Hangar in Santa Monica, California. Notable appearances included Rihanna, who despite an already controversial year, managed to make #8. Others who made the bash were Kim Kardashian with sister Khloe, the vocalist Ciara, Vanessa Minnillo, and Dancing With the Stars siblings Derek and Julianne Hough.

Some of the biggest names on the magazines top 100 didn't make the party - including Maxim's #1 for 2009 - Olivia Wilde. Other surprises included Michelle Obama making the cut at #94. By making this year's list, she represents the first time that Maxim has given the nation's leading lady a spot on their 100 hottest.

With hotties like Megan Fox and Heidi Pratt in attendance, it was one party we wished we'd received an invite. Until then, we'll just enjoy the eye candy along with you. Keep up the good work Maxim!

Disagree with how Maxim ordered their 2009 top 100 list? Vote below and tell Guyville who you think the hottest female celeb should be. We're giving the nod to Michelle. Not only is she one of the most influential women in the country, she's also one of the smarter women on this list. Add that to the fact that the first lady has striking good looks, and you've got yourself a winner in my book!

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The Womanization of Jerry O'Connell

Posted April 23, 2009 11:47 AM

If you think Womanization can't Happen to you, think again

It deeply saddens us to inform men everywhere that Jerry O'Connell appears to be afflicted by the early stages of womanization. O'Connell - married to the supermodel Rebecca Romijn for just under a year - appeared on the Howard Stern Show yesterday, and the interview was a chilling confirmation that yet another young man appears to be in the clutches of this terrible affliction. Let's consider some telltale signs that O'Connell is evolving into a delicate flower:

Jerry Now

• watches his football on mute.


• begs to touch his wife's lovely breasts.


• keeps his porn hidden from the watchful eye's of Mrs.Romijn.


• apologizes to People magazine at his wife's request.


• suffers from a stifling lack of bedroom activity.


• is reduced to slapping the salami secretly in the kitchen(say that 5 times fast!)

What makes Jerry's case tragic is how quickly his masculinity appears to be slipping away. Just two years ago, O'Connell was an informal spokesman for the gender. Someone other guys looked up to. A rugged leader among men.

Jerry was a guy's guy. The type who fit in with just about any red-blooded group of American men. Listening to an interview with O'Connell was confirmation of this. His relaxed and congenial mentality kept our short male attention spans engaged without annoying the holy hell out of us.

Sure, O'Connell keeps up on his sports, especially the holy grail of masculine entertainment that is pro football. And sure, Jerry's still into beer like most of us, but changes are already appearing on the horizon. It won't be long before Jerry chooses recorded episodes of "The View" over the beloved ritual of Sunday football.

There's still hope for Jerry at this point. His fate lies in the hands of his wife Rebecca. Unfortunately for guys everywhere, her hands are currently gripped tightly around his balls, and those clenched fists don't appear to be getting any looser. Now Jerry's womanly evolution seems to be accelerating at an alarming rate. Even the manliest gifts for guys might not save O'Connell from rapid decent into womanization.

Bludgeoning your beefsteak in the kitchen is fine if you're preparing dinner. Otherwise, a guy shouldn't have to run around his own place of residence to find a suitable spot to beat the bishop. And rarely is the kitchen a suitable spot for such a deed. Can you really blame the poor guy? It's punishment enough for a man to be constantly denied sex. But for O'Connell, who is in the presence of a "Sports Illustrated" cover girl day and night, denying him sex and whack off rights verges on cruel and unusual.

Time will tell whether Rebecca can loosen her suffocating grip. If she doesn't, Jerry will be ordering wine coolers instead of beer before even Rebecca knows what she has done. By then, Jerry will be too far gone. For guys everywhere, one can only pray that this young man realizes the treacherous path he is on before it is too late.

Flight Attendants Against Internet Porn

Posted September 18, 2008 6:57 PM

I guess there are limits to flying the friendly skies. Wired posted an article recently that noted just weeks after American Airlines began to offer in-flight wireless internet, a number of passengers and attendants have been complaining about passengers perusing inappropriate sites. It seems tricky to me. Everyone has different thresholds for what could be construed as racy versus downright pornographic. Clearly if a hungover college kid from University of Ariz...er, University of Anywhere decides to get caught up with the latest news on The Superficial, and he's sitting next to an 80 year old lady - she could possibly see it as pornographic material. But isn't there a difference between NSFW and straight up hardcore video of people bumping uglies on youporn?

Now, I think in reality, I'm for having some type of wireless internet filters added, because I can't imagine anything worse then my wife flying cross country next to some sleeze bag with his hands in his pockets while he watches 5 hours of uncut and unrated undressed people. All right, maybe I'm secretly worried she'd like it and become part of the mile high club without me even in the plane. It's tough to draw the line on what's going to be considered G or PG material, so they have their hands full. We're sure glad that the only decisions we have to make are what's going to make the gifts for men hall of fame for the week.

Wii Boxing Orgasm?

Posted January 9, 2008 8:23 AM

Be afraid. Be very afraid...

BJ Daji

Posted December 21, 2007 10:40 AM

BJ Daji? What's that? Well it's just a friends name, but if he types his name into google hopefully he'll run across this, this being a blog on blow jobs. Really though this is an important bit of text with video assistance. There are definitely good blow jobs and there are definitely bad ones, and unless you get a girl that's been around or has lots of friends who have, she simply isn't going to know what to do.

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Fun In The Office.. Or Really Anywhere

Posted December 19, 2007 10:14 AM

You've surely been in a situation like this: you're having a conversation with someone that is telling a story about what another person was saying. Then they start in on something that that person said which was a bunch of bull, so what do you do? You give a couple ghost-faps and share a laugh. What happens when you or someone else gives the fap to the person they're conversing with?

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Fast On The Rise (It's Not That Hard)

Posted December 4, 2007 9:58 AM

We've all seen them, we've all wondered, but how are they made? Obviously it's not a question worth asking when you're actually sitting down to watch it, but a couple minutes later after all the plumbing is cool you just might have a mind to think for a second, unless of course you've got a lady friend with you. Whatever the situation the porno flick will still have the same effect, yeeaaaa. Amazing how they can do that. It has to be the directing. Or maybe the actresses. They just say their lines with such passion. So passionate in fact that you can hardly tell that their careers require no knowledge other than make it look like they are having fun.

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Business Time With The Conchords

Posted November 14, 2007 9:57 AM

There are plenty of comedians out there, but one of the funniest types are those guys that sing their humor. Demetri Martin is one comedian that has really nailed singing as well as presentational comedy when he busts out his big drawing pad. Zach Galifianakis also does bits in his stand up with a piano. With both of these comedians and surely a great many more out there that have an original style with their music and humor it is always fun to happen on a new comedian that does things good. In this case it is actually two comedians, the two members of Flight of the Conchords.

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Japanese Creativity + No Sex =

Posted November 6, 2007 9:48 AM

Japan. An island of a country that the Japanese call home, you would think that things might get a little kinky what with no where to run to. Or maybe it's more of a cabin fever thing and really no one can stand each other, which would make sense why their culture is one so dominated with grace and politeness. Those Japanese folks sure are smart though, they seem to have a solution for every problem. How good that solution is can be left open to debate, but we'll say that they're all brilliant. Except this one.

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This Guy Knows Halloween

Posted October 29, 2007 10:12 AM

Halloween is coming up fast and some of you guys are probably realizing that you still don't have a costume. You've only got two days to whip one out, so what are you gonna do? No worries guys because we have THE solution. Not for you guys though. Bummer. The solution is for your ladies though. That's right, whether they already have a costume or not, they need to go and get one from the best costume shop in the world.

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Gender Issues

Posted October 25, 2007 9:11 AM

Okay guys maybe a blog will clear things up a little, but honestly I don't think there's any hope. This is of course about the difference between men and women, or the lack thereof really. Us guys have a lot of things we do that women don't, but that seems to be changing. I'm not saying feminism is bad (though sometimes it's really annoying) but men and women ARE different and trying to say otherwise is just nonsense.

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Tyra Cranks, A Beauty Secret

Posted October 10, 2007 9:35 AM

Guys, guys, guys, we have a difficult fact to face. The beautiful model we all know from Victoria's Secret (I mean *cough* don't know, never looked at those magazines before) has a secret of her own. That secret is Vaseline. Vaseline you ask? Why yes, and, based on her talk show where she revealed the secret, the only logical conclusion is that Vaseline works wonders on your skin when used in conjunction with cocaine in any of its shapes and forms.

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Trust Or Bust Babe

Posted October 4, 2007 10:18 AM

Here we are guys, on to the cheating girlfriend that you still love, or both of you still love, whoever that rat bastard may be. Finding out about it is always the toughest, the deception, the sorrow, and eventually the anger. There are many ways to deal with finding out your lady is a harlot, like be a man about it and let it go, be a whipped little freak and keep it going with her, or be remembered in the books of history as getting some of the sweetest revenge ever.

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A Softer Hue Of Hefner?

Posted September 27, 2007 9:49 AM

Rich beyond belief, surrounded by beautiful women, allowed to wear pajamas in public, what more could a guy want? We don't know, but Hugh Hefner sure makes it look like there isn't. Eighty one years old and still traveling the world with three beautiful women in his arms (and bed!) he epitomizes the dream bachelor lifestyle for guys of any age. Apparently that's about to change though as Holly Madison from Hugh's show The Girls Next Door is catching his eye and his heart.

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Spit Yo Game

Posted September 20, 2007 9:35 AM

This is it right here guys. You've been listening to all of the "do this" and "do thats" of hitting on chicks for years, not to mention all the "do nots," that seem to follow either the pick up line route or the indifferent/relaxed track (the latter usually working better). Pick up lines are all good and fun if you're a pimp or look like you have lots of money, but for most of us the best way is to come off as being social... and at least a little interested.

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Anyone Want Some? And I Mean Anyone.

Posted September 15, 2007 11:39 AM

Maybe you've heard about them, maybe you've read them, maybe you've posted them? We are of course discussing the want-sex ads on craigslist. While many of the ads are likely just from harmless relationship seekers, there are definitely some darker dealings going on, whether it be solicits for sex, usually an almost subtle request, or blatant requests for domination.

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LinkTease: Give Us A Link, and You See More

Posted August 23, 2007 7:40 AM

We're not proud folk here at Guyville. We want you to link to us. So we'll make it simple: Link, and then post the linking page URL in the comments, below, and we'll remove one Guyville logo from this photo:

Technorati Tags: nude, photography, sex, women

Photo of the Day: Weird Sex Fantasy?

Posted July 25, 2007 4:24 PM

Nope, it's an advertisement for the table on the right. I have no idea wtf the designer was thinking creating this ad.

More important, what'd this model do to deserve being dressed up like she's in a perverted Willy Wonka movie? If you have any ideas, let us know.

And no, we won't publish comments like 'Does she come with the table' or any other hopelessly cliched humor.

Super Bowl XLI - Husband versus Wife

Posted January 31, 2007 6:31 PM

We got da Bears playing da Colts on what should prove to be an off-the-charts exciting Super Bowl this year. There is to be a great all guy Bowl party filled with booze, beer, pizza - and did I mention beer - that I've been invited to and was really excited about. As I mentioned it to my wife (thinking that she wouldn't care one bit) suddenly she became a football fan! "What about me and the kid?" (the little person she is speaking of is our four year-old daughter). "What are we supposed to be doing while you're watching the game?" I had to think quickly on my feet, which isn't always easy to do (Imagine the face a monkey might make if he saw a perfect yellow banana growing out of the ass of a bear at the zoo). I was baffled to say the least. "Uh, I dunno, take her to go see Happy Feet?" The response I got was, "And miss the Super Bowl? Why are you the only one who gets to see the game?" To this my quick response was, "Do you even know who's playing in the game?" My smirk of satisfaction was short lived as she sharply replied, "I was excited to watch the commercials you freaking meat head!"

Technorati Tags: battle of sexes, marriage stories, sex, super bowl 41

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Doctor Feelgood

Posted January 10, 2007 11:15 AM

This story is just too good not to share with the Guyville guys across the land. It's either a dream come true, or a nightmare depending on how you look at it. I was recently referred to a new doctor as I changed my health insurance policy. As I showed up, I was warmly greeted by the staff and led into the examination room to receive my physical from (to protect her identity) Dr. Wilson. "She'll be right with you, sir," was what they told me as they left me alone to change and put on that silly little paper robe. At this time I had no idea or thoughts about what the good Doctor Wilson would look like. A moment later Doc opened the door and I nearly fell off my paper covered stool. I half expected "Shook Me All Night Long" to start blasting and a pole to show up in the corner of the room.

Technorati Tags: doctor visits, fitness, hot doctors, medical nightmares

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If Paz Vega Was Your Girl

Posted January 4, 2007 9:38 PM

Valentine's day is nearly upon us. We got through the hectic holidays, made the turkey disappear from our Thanksgiving plates, likely dealt with countless petty family issues that always occur when you get all that baggage and history together under one roof and we can take a big, satisfied, deep breath that it's all behind us. Freakin' family members! Anyway, we need to concentrate on what really matters, our women. I know you hate Valentine's day, but what you need to realize is that this day isn't for you, ya big lunkhead, it's for her. If you think that the box of chocolates and the heart shaped balloon is going to get her into your bed, you may be right, but the question you need to ask yourself is what is she going to tell her girlfriends about the special day/gifts you gave to her? You need to change your approach.

Technorati Tags: Paz Vega, Valentine's Day

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Miss Teen USA Canoodles Miss USA?

Posted December 21, 2006 12:24 PM

Man, some girls have all the luck! How and the heck can I find the negatives of the pics where Miss Teen USA, Katie Blair was macking down in the big apple with Miss USA, Tara Conner? How much do we have to offer the paparazzi for those glorious photos? As the writer at The Superficial so brilliantly put it, "Hopefully pictures of that never surface, because I'd hate to go down in history as the first person to ever hump their computer monitor to death." We here at Guyville can relate, my brotha.

Technorati Tags: Donald Trump, Miss Teen USA, Miss USA, Swim Suit Calendars, The Superficial

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Communication is Key

Posted November 28, 2006 11:14 AM

We want the perfect woman in every sense of the word, yet it seems impossible to have it all. Obviously the things that attracted us to her in the beginning are still there, yet as we have come to know her over the years and as the protective walls have slowly come down and we’ve seen her at her most vulnerable, we have witnessed some imperfections in the finish, for lack of a better expression.

Technorati Tags: communication, couples, holiday gifts, love, relationships, sex, spa gifts

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Catching Your Bride - Priceless

Posted November 8, 2006 1:32 PM

Many of us have now heard about the infamous groom-to-be who, at his lavish wedding with 300 guests, picked up his microphone to graciously thank everyone for attending from long distances and for sharing this monumental time with he and his new bride.

Technorati Tags: cool gifts, mastercard, wedding disasters, weddings

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Is Your Cell Phone Killing Your Sperms?

Posted October 25, 2006 12:25 PM

This is very disturbing. There's a recent study that suggests cell phones may damage male fertility. Apparently the radiation is either frying the sperms, or turning them into deformed mutants. If true, that'd just suck big time! The kicker is that you don't even need to be using the phone. Just carrying it in your hip pocket, or holstering around the waist is enough to cut the sperm count by 30%. Yikes!

Technorati Tags: Cell Phone Study, Infertility, Male Fertility, Sperm Count

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Easy Guyville Guide To Dressing Men

Posted September 27, 2006 3:45 PM

Reading a woman’s mind is not easy. Women relish the fact that you are not always privy to our innermost thoughts. Therefore, you may not be aware when this is crossing your girlfriend’s mind “Please tell me he’s not wearing that!”

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The Girl in Guyville

Posted August 29, 2006 1:20 PM

Real questions and real advice from our love expert…

Dear Girl in Guyville,

I just met this girl in an online chat room. We spent a few hours talking and she seems really interesting. It turns out that we're fairly close to each other geographically, so we've decided to meet some night soon and go out to a club. She'll go with her friends and I'll bring a few of mine; that way, we'll feel comfortable and each have our own "security nets," in case things don't work out. Is there anything in particular that I should do? Should I bring flowers or candy or something? Any suggestions whatsoever?

Signed, Are E-Girls Easy?

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Fashion Vixen- The 411 from the style files...

Posted August 29, 2006 1:11 PM

My friend is throwing a party at his house this weekend. He invited all sorts of girls I've never met before. What should I wear so I look cool but not like a dork that's trying?

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