If you think Womanization can't Happen to you, think again
It deeply saddens us to inform men everywhere that Jerry O'Connell appears to be afflicted by the early stages of womanization. O'Connell - married to the supermodel Rebecca Romijn for just under a year - appeared on the Howard Stern Show yesterday, and the interview was a chilling confirmation that yet another young man appears to be in the clutches of this terrible affliction. Let's consider some telltale signs that O'Connell is evolving into a delicate flower:
- watches his football on mute.
- begs to touch his wife's lovely breasts.
- keeps his porn hidden from the watchful eye's of Mrs.Romijn.
- apologizes to People magazine at his wife's request.
- suffers from a stifling lack of bedroom activity.
- is reduced to slapping the salami secretly in the kitchen(say that 5 times fast!)
What makes Jerry's case tragic is how quickly his masculinity appears to be slipping away. Just two years ago, O'Connell was an informal spokesman for the gender. Someone other guys looked up to. A rugged leader among men.
Jerry was a guy's guy. The type who fit in with just about any red-blooded group of American men. Listening to an interview with O'Connell was confirmation of this. His relaxed and congenial mentality kept our short male attention spans engaged without annoying the holy hell out of us.
Sure, O'Connell keeps up on his sports, especially the holy grail of masculine entertainment that is pro football. And sure, Jerry's still into beer like most of us, but changes are already appearing on the horizon. It won't be long before Jerry chooses recorded episodes of "The View" over the beloved ritual of Sunday football.
There's still hope for Jerry at this point. His fate lies in the hands of his wife Rebecca. Unfortunately for guys everywhere, her hands are currently gripped tightly around his balls, and those clenched fists don't appear to be getting any looser. Now Jerry's womanly evolution seems to be accelerating at an alarming rate. Even the manliest gifts for guys might not save O'Connell from rapid decent into womanization.
Bludgeoning your beefsteak in the kitchen is fine if you're preparing dinner. Otherwise, a guy shouldn't have to run around his own place of residence to find a suitable spot to beat the bishop. And rarely is the kitchen a suitable spot for such a deed. Can you really blame the poor guy? It's punishment enough for a man to be constantly denied sex. But for O'Connell, who is in the presence of a "Sports Illustrated" cover girl day and night, denying him sex and whack off rights verges on cruel and unusual.
Time will tell whether Rebecca can loosen her suffocating grip. If she doesn't, Jerry will be ordering wine coolers instead of beer before even Rebecca knows what she has done. By then, Jerry will be too far gone. For guys everywhere, one can only pray that this young man realizes the treacherous path he is on before it is too late.