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Things Every Man Should Know: How to Tie a Tie
Posted January 8, 2010 10:25 AM
As a rite of manhood, you would think that most guys would know how to tie a tie by the time they graduate high school. But unless you and your bros all went to a New England prep school, chances are you haven't the slightest clue. It always surprises me when, on an occasion that requires neck accoutrement, a lot of guys pull out ties that have been tied ONCE years ago by their fathers and then hung noose-like in their closets, ready and waiting for their next opportunity. I get the efficiency factor but... I mean. Come on.
There are some really nifty ways to tie ties out there and the guys at TieKnot.comhave the best how-to images to help you out. You have no excuse.
Tie Knots Every Man Should Know
The Four-in-Hand - the most basic and classic tie knot. It can be used with nearly every tie and fits well in the collar of a shirt.
The Windsor- A more complicated knot that the Four-in-Hand, this guy is fat and designed to make a statement. Not that if your Windsor isn't symmetrical, or if the knot is too big for your collar, you are going to look like a fool.
The Half-Windsor - a less vocal and pretentious knot. This one is classy and smart, and there is minimal risk of you looking like a goofball with a full-Windsor knot that is bigger than your Adam's apple.
The Cross Knot - for the man who wears a skinny tie and wants it to stand out. This knot is ridiculous, but if you can do it flawlessly you are going to make major waves. Practice makes perfect.

Bow Ties are Back - This gentleman is a certifiable bow tying pro. He is the Bob Ross of bow ties (happy little bow tie), and for those who don't have grandfathers who are able to help you out, this guys ramblings will make you feel right at home.
To keep the stud factor going in high-gear, keep your ties fresh and wrinkle free with a svelte personalized deluxe leather tie case. Your (somewhat belated) 2010 New Year Resolution: no more knotted ties hanging in your closet.
My Video Game Is Too Violent For My Girlfriend
Posted December 29, 2009 3:05 PM
Dear Guyville,
I recently acquired Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and I freakin' love it. My girlfriend, on the other hand, does not. She says that it has pushed the envelope too far. Apparently, controlling the actions of a fake terrorist as he blows away fake innocent bystanders can be considered morally reprehensible. And while I am happy to just agree to disagree (it's FAKE! It's a VIDEO GAME!) about the amoral implications of MW2, she is not. It is beginning to put a strain on our relationship. What do I do?
Guyville to the Rescue
Well the obvious answer would be not to play Modern Warfare 2 anymore. But then you would be the guy who stopped playing Modern Warfare 2 because his girlfriend didn't want him to play anymore after it hurt her feelings. If you were that guy, you wouldn't be asking the "what do I do?" question to begin with, so I guess that's not a viable option.The second most obvious answer would be to not play MW2 in her presence, nor talk about it, nor have it in its case visible to the naked eye when she is in the room. Which sounds like a pretty easy thing to do, especially if you don't live together. It could be one of those little vices we never talk about and do only when we are alone because it brings up awkward questions and judgments.
If you do live together and "alone time" doesn't really exist anymore, or if you don't want to lump your new favorite video game in with nudey magazines and eating chili cold out of the can, things get a little more complicated.
You could give Modern Warfare 2 to your neighbor and constantly run out of sugar or eggs or Drain-o so you have an excuse to run over and get a few quick rounds in.
You could lie and say that it's All Boys and No Girls Poker Night at your house once a week, but actually have it be All Boys and No Girls Modern Warfare Night. Just leave a card deck or two out on the kitchen table and crush some tortilla chips into the carpet so it looks like Men have been around.
You could use time to play Modern Warfare 2 as a bartering tool. "I promise to stop making snarky remarks during Project Runway if you stop accusing me of being a heartless, mindless drone when I play MW2."
You could try to explain again that it is just a game and you don't actually think being a terrorist and killing hipsters at the local Jamba Juice is cool or a good idea.
Try to turn the sound down really low so you can pretend you are actually playing a nice game, like Wii Golf or Mario Kart.
You could just ignore her complaints and comments and continue to play and laugh (yes, laugh!) as the body count increases. In for a penny, in for a pound. Note: I only recommend this one if you don't really like your girlfriend anymore...
For more sneak-tastic methods of avoiding detection, check out Guyville's tips on hiding your video game addiction.
Happy Holidays from Guyville
Posted December 22, 2009 10:52 AM
Gentlemen and Guys,
We here at Guyville wish you the most merry of holidays this week. Sit back and relax. Indulge in pecan pie and savory turbaconucken. Play video games and watch football and sleep in and wear your slippers all day long. Even when you run out for an extra bottle of Captain Morgan when your supply of Hot Buttered Rum is diminishing.
Rejoice! We hope that all your holiday wishes come true, and that there are many wonderful personalized pub signs (with your name on them!) under the Yule tree.
Your Morning After New Year's Party Care Package
Posted December 16, 2009 1:58 PM
It's January 1st. The glowing rays of morning afternoon sun strike your reposing body. You crack open those bleary, sleep-crusted eyes for the first time in the new decade. You stretch and sit up, ready to jump start those New Years resolutions and grab the year of tiger by its fangs.
And then you see the mass of mostly-empty beer cans and broken champagne bottles littering the floor of your apartment.
And then you choke back the first bout of hangover vomit.
And then you see two people you don't recognize sleeping on the couch without their pants on.
And then you remember that last night was a raging New Years celebration.
It's a good thing '2009 you' prepared for the aftermath of a Night-of-Your-Life Party with hangover cures in this:
Your Morning After New Year's Party Care Package
A personalized E-Z fill flask. Getting started the morning after is near impossible if your brain is cracking open and your gut is kicking off in the roiling bile bowl (I think USC is playing in that this year). Fight back with some hair of the dog who bit you. The wide mouth of the E-Z fill flask means you won't spill a drop, even if your vision's a little blurry. You will be up and at 'em in no time.
A new ice bucket. When in the heat of a Jager bomb moment, turning everything into a hat sounds like a great idea. Think ahead and hide a personalized ice bucket under your bed where no one can add it to their collection of ass hattery.
A duffle bag.Pretty much everything in that bachelor hole you call home is going to have to be thrown away. Chances are it has been soaked in beer, saturated with champagne, and probably been used as a receptacle for various bodily fluids. You're better off starting the new year by moving. Take the bare essentials in your personalized Logan deluxe duffle bag and get out of there.
New beer mugs. Everything that is in your kitchen cabinets will be broken. Get over it. Buy yourself a personalized tavern mug set that will last you until 2011 - or until your next blow-out bash.
A multi-purpose tool with pliers.You're going to need something to get your bathroom door back on its hinges. But seeing as how you are the champ of the New Years '10 Beer Pong tourney, it's pretty much worth it.
20% off Next-Day Shipping Sale Just In Time for the Holidays
Posted December 15, 2009 3:18 PM
I know what you were thinking. "Oh man, I could so use some amazing holiday gifts for guys. Those personalized cufflinks are bad ass. I just wish those shipping charges weren't there because I would so buy some for my friends and brother!"
Well, lucky you. Because starting Wednesday December 16, Guyville is hosting a baller 20% off next-day shipping sale. Your wish has been granted.
But your wish only lasts for two days, from Wednesday December 16 to Thursday December 17. Take advantage now!
Best Guy Movies You Forgot Were About Christmas
Posted December 10, 2009 12:35 PM
Every year it happens. You're basking in the warm glow of the television when the bombardment of your better half rains down with those annoying little words: "Baby, I wanna watch a Christmas movie."
Oh. Dear. God. Not Little Women again! Your argument of "just because it has a Christmas scene, doesn't mean it's a Christmas movie" is weaker than your left-handed layup.
You reach for a compromise, but all you have is A Christmas Story. It's tired, dated and you've seen that little snot neighbor kid stick his tongue to the light pole every year since you were five. Skip the heart-tingling Santa story and choose something with some gusto. Maybe an explosion or two. Better yet, how about a crane kick to the face?
Before we start our "Movies at Christmas, but not about Christmas" list, here are some that didn't quite make it:
Home Alone - It's not directly about Christmas, and it comes with a healthy dose of slapstick buffoonery with a side of air gun blasts to the groin. However, if you forgot Marv and Harry were burglarizing houses during the holidays, you should slap cheeks with both hands and scream.
Edward Scissorhands - What seemed like a majestic trip inside Tim Burton's mind, now looks like just another Tim Burton movie. Honestly, who wants clippers for hands? No fingers, just sharp pointy blades. How are you supposed to pee? As a Guyville first, we say let Johnny be a guy pirate all he wants, but leave the scissor dude in the 80's. Edward Scissorhands is not a guy movie.
Reindeer Games - Who would have thought you could take a simple line from Rudolph and turn it into an action-packed thriller. Ben Affleck, that's who. Trust us, it's a terrible movie. One CNN review said, "Reindeer Games isn't at the bottom of the creative barrel, but it's close." You're better off watching Little Women again.
With that said, nothing will put you into a jollier mood than these totally guy Christmas movies:
10. Dead Poets Society
O' Captain! My Captain! Ok, it might not put you in the most jolly of moods, but this coming of age tale about a poetry teacher inspiring seven young prep school boys to seize the day is a refreshing reminder that Robin Williams wasn't always making an ass of himself. You'll laugh. You'll cry (that's not an understatement. The room might get a little dusty when one of the seven doesn't quite pull through). Using our Little Woman logic, since the movie take place throughout a school year and there are Christmas scenes - it totally counts.
9. Lethal Weapon
"I'm too old for this shit!" I'm too old to remember Mel Gipson was supposed to be "the lethal weapon". I'm too old to remember he was a hunky sex God with a mullet. And I'm too old to remember all four movies revolved around Murtaugh's family providing a shelter for Riggs to rebuild his shattered life - starting with a heartfelt Christmas meal. This crazy awesome buddy cop flick will make you think dislocating your shoulder to escape from a straight jacket is just as easy as it looks. Go ahead, try it!
8. Psycho
Fun factoid: since red blood looks gray when filmed in black and white, Alfred Hitchcock used Hersey's Syrup to simulate blood in the shower scene. This is one of those solid movies where you probably know the ending, but have never sat down and watched the whole thing. Where's Christmas? We're unsure if they ever mention the holidays, but there are signs of Christmas trees and ornaments sprinkled throughout the film.
7. Ghostbusters II
Vigo. The master of evil. Tryin' to battle my boys. That's not legal. The boys in gray are back at it to stop the end of the world on New Year's Eve 1989. On a scale of one to awesome, the Ghostbusters are pretty high on the list, but this movie hurts their legacy. It seemed like a mishmash of all the ideas they couldn't fit into the first movie: The Statue of Liberty crossing the Hudson. The tired love story with Sigourney Weaver. Slimer sliming things for the hell of it. Even without bringing anything new to the table, Ghostbusters II has timeless special effects and some sweet late 80's rap that you'll be hummin' before the night is through.
6. Die Hard 2 - Die Harder
Nowadays, we don't fart around with the idea of terrorists hijacking planes and crashing them during the holidays. But back in 1990, airline terrorists seem to be as mythical as Santa himself. Just like Ghostbusters II, the first Die Hard sequel seems to be just another rehash of the first one. How does a New York cop find himself in Chicago, only to fight terrorists - again on Christmas Eve? This time McClane has shoes (a big plus) and he uses a lighter to blow up a 747!
5. Batman Returns
After his aristocratic parents leave him at the doorstep of the city zoo, a deformed child grows under the care of penguins to become an evil arch nemesis of the caped crusader. Weak sauce, Mr. Penguin! Watch out, you might get me with your umbrella. Lucky for us Michelle Pfeiffer steals the show as the sexiest Catwoman to ever don pleather. It's not the best out of the litter, but it's far from the worst. Remember, Christmas is to winter as Batman is to badass.
4. The Karate Kid
When my kids ask me "what were the 80's like?" I'll show them the You're the Best fight montage during the All Hill Valley Karate Tournament (along with the scene Axel Foley drives down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills Cop and the opening sequence to The A-Team. Those three things were the 1980's through my prepubescent eyes.) Bill Simmons describes Mr. Miyagi as "a cross between Mickey from "Rocky," Pop from "The Longest Yard" and Confucious." There's no one you can hate more than that blond douche Johnny Lawrence, and you can't help but feel like Daniel-san would tear the whole Cobra Kia dojo a new one by the end of the movie. BTW, the All Hill Valley Karate Tournament happens in December. There are Christmas lights in the background. Crane kick this DVD in the player and start sweeping the leg.
3. Rocky IV
The movie that single handedly ended the Cold War! Rocky retires. Apollo fights the Russian. Apollo dies. Rocky unretires. Goes to Russia. Hearts on Fire montage as he climbs the impossibly steep snowy mountain. Rocky fights the Russian. Rocky wins! "I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you's can change, everybody can change!" You guessed it. Rocky won the fight on Christmas Day.
2. Gremlins
Three rules: Stay away from bright light. Stay away from water. Stay away from food after midnight. No, these aren't the rules for your one-night stand. This is to prevent your mogwai from multiplying. Billy receives little 'Gizmo' for Christmas and everything goes to hell when it multiplies and takes over the town. The weirdest part about this 'kinda Christmas movie' is when Kate tells Billy that her fear of Christmas was hatched as a child when her father broke his neck sneaking down the chimney dress like Santa Clause.
1. Die Hard
What does it mean to die hard? Apparently, it's when you fall to your death from an 80 story building in downtown Los Angeles. As the ultimate guy Christmas flick, Die Hard passes the test of time. No other story about a shoeless cop thwarting a band of foreign terrorists on Christmas Eve comes close. Seriously. Watch this movie again. The cinematography is jaw dropping. The story is compelling. And Bruce Willis? Yippee kai yay, mother-effing fantastic!
8 Ways To Hide Your Video Game Addiction
Posted December 8, 2009 11:07 AM
It's the wake-up call of 2009. If Andy Murray - millionaire, sports super-star, and stud (with an accent no less...chicks love accents!) - cannot hold onto his lady because of an alleged video game "problem," hope is dwindling for the rest of us. Because, when it comes down to it, we probably don't have 1/3 of Andy's appeal. If your gal pal isn't turned on by baller thumb callouses and your 3:1 kill to death ratio, you'd better hide your video game addiction quick before she pulls a Kim Sears on your gaming behind.
8 Things Andy Murray Should Have Done
1. Gotten his girlfriend hooked, too. Nothing says love and "us time" like teaming up to stop Russia's virtual invasion of the United States.
2. Hidden his console and any evidence of playing. Most men master this at the age of 15 when the fruits of internet and cable access are discovered, so the instant channel-flip, computer screen minimize, and controller stash should be ingrained.
3. Convinced his girlfriend that he was required to play. Faster reaction time killing Nazi zombies equals faster reaction time on the tennis court. Everyone knows that.
4. Turned his bathroom into a gamer paradise. Move all the equipment into a locking lavatory, feign some food poisoning, and enjoy uninterrupted hours of WOW. Just keep the sound off, or there will be some explaining to do.
5. Blamed it on someone else. "That's not my Halo. That's Federer's game. Go talk to his girl friend."
6. Scheduled lots of long trips. She won't want to go to a week long underground tennis tourney in Bulgaria. Invent trips, hole up in a hotel, and have at it.
7. Masked his stories of gaming triumphs with language his girlfriend can relate to. "I went out with Jeremy the other day to stock up on supplies, and we ended up saving a ton of cash!" is the non-video game addict version of "Yesterday, after completing our gather quest, Neldor Moonshadow and I received a huge amount of in-game money!" No one is the wiser.
8. Dumped her first. Wear the Gamer Badge with pride. If she doesn't like the situation, she can hit the road. Some other girl will appreciate dedication, skill, and precision shooting for what it's worth.
Halloween Cocktails, Murderous Martinis and Spooky Shots
Posted October 22, 2009 2:36 PM
Just because you don't go trick-or-treating on Halloween, doesn't mean you can't enjoy a tasty treat. Halloween is all about spooky parties, ghastly costumes and murderous martinis. If you're throwing a Monster Mash at your place this year, take our advice with these ghostly concoctions to get your party started.
Crystal Head Vodka
OK. We know it's not a mixed drink, but this new vodka distilled by Dan Akyroyd is perfect for Halloween. As the heart of the Ghostbusters, Dan Aykroyd is a guru for all things paranormal and unbelievable, and claims he spent the last 13 years researching the legends of the crystal skulls. Based on Native American beliefs, these skulls represent mystical properties and represent a life-affirming symbology.
Even if you don't believe in any of that crap, you can still enjoy a Ghostbuster brewed, sweet grain, premium vodka out of a freakin' skull!
Stay Puffed Marshmallow Martini

Staying with the Ghostbusters theme, cross the streams of your favorite booze to make this creamy treat.
Stay Puffed Marshmallow Martini Ingredients
1 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
1 oz. Cream de Cocoa
1 oz. Vanilla Vodka
1 oz. Marshmallow Fluff or 3 mini marshmallows
Chocolate syrup
Crushed graham crackers
Instructions:
- Rim the Martini glass with chocolate syrup and crushed graham cracker.
- Place Irish Cream, Cream de Cocoa, Vanilla Vodka in Personalized Martini Shaker with ice. Shake well.
- Gently pour contents into a blender with the Marshmallow Fluff (If you don't have a blender, substitute fluff with Mini Marshmallows, and pour into martini glass).
Brain Hemorrhage

This shot looks like a demon lives in your glass. No matter how crazy it looks, it's a great conversation starter with the hottie in the Princess Leia Slave girl outfit.
Brain Hemorrhage Ingredients
.5 to .75 Peach Schnapps
1 tsp Grenadine
1-2 Tbsp Bailey's Irish Cream
Instructions:
- Fill a Personalized Shot Glass with Peach Schnapps.
- In a Tbsp. place a tsp. of Grenadine, and fill the rest with Irish Cream.
- Slowly float the Grenadine/Irish Cream on the top of the shot. The cream should fall without separating.
- Fill the rest of the shot with Irish cream to taste.
Blood Orange Martini

If you're skipping the creamy crawly concoctions, try this lighter martini instead.
Blood Orange Martini Ingredients
1.5 oz. Orange Vodka
1.5 oz. Campari
1.5 oz. Orange Juice
Sprinkle of cinnamon
Instructions:
- Mix the Orange Vodka, Campari and Orange Juice in a Personalized Martini Shaker with ice.
- Pour into a chilled Personalized Martini Glass.
- Sprinkle with cinnamon and possible garnish with slice of pumpkin.
Midnight Martini

You'll wake up the dead with delight after you try this black treat from beyond the grave.
Midnight Martini Ingredients:
3.5 oz. of Blavod Vodka
.5 oz. Blackberry Brandy or Black Raspberry
Lemon twist or olive for garnish
Instructions:
Pour ingredients in an iced cocktail shaker. Shake well.
Strain into a chilled cockatil glass or old-fashioned glass.
Garnish, and enjoy.
Housewarming Must-Haves to Warm Up Your Cold Bachelor Pad
Posted September 8, 2009 10:19 AM
Bachelor pads are for men. Not boys. Make it look that way. Invest some cash into your fortress of solitude. Register for cool housewarming gifts for bachelors and turn it into the place to be Saturday night.
Less is More
Minimalism makes your place look bigger, cleaner and manlier. Minimalism can also make your place seem as cold as a bitter stare from your ex-girlfriend. Fill your space with stuff that makes you feel cozy but doesn't clutter.
This Ikea Hamra "seating unit" gives off a swingin' hotel vibe without a hefty hotel price tag. This bachelor pad centerpiece has enough seating for your fantasy football draft party.
Get a Dog
Chicks love dogs. They especially love "rescued" dogs. Saving Astro from the pound (and certain death by euthanasia) not only makes you a hero, it gives you an excuse to bring your new lady friend upstairs. Guyville Pickup line: You should come up and help take my dog out... then you can help with Astro.
Get a Bar
Pimp out your place like Don Drapper's office. This Ebony Folding Home Bar adds sophistication with a space saving design. The bar part really doesn't matter - it's the idea of the bar that counts. Invest $50 bucks in liquor, and get these housewarming essentials:
- Rum
- Vodka
- Whiskey
- Gin
It doesn't matter if it's cheap. People don't care what they drink if it's presented right. A personalized set of Double Old Fashioned Glasses sets the standard for your minimalist bar - convince your friends to spring for it as a housewarming gift and you're set.
Entertain your Friends
The quintessential bachelor pad has a TV so large, it's obviously overcompensates for something. No one wants to sit at your house and watch your big TV. Bring something more to the party. Board games like Apples to Apples, Catch Phrase and Cranium are gender neutral and make awesome drinking games.
Woman-proof your Bathroom
When a girl walks through the front door, the bathroom is the first place she's heading - to scope out your medicine cabinet. Place extra toilet paper in plain view, keep a stack of fresh towels and always have a spare toothbrush on hand. A Silver-Plated Shave Kit is an elegant accessory that says, "I'm a classic, worldly gentleman who cares about every detail."
Art adds Class to the Dude Sanctuary
You don't live in a T.G.I. Friday's, don't put up crazy crap for the hell of it. And your Tony Montoya "say hello to my little friend" poster isn't doing the trick either. I'm not a mobster, I'm not a mobster - repeat until it sticks and you're ready to get rid of the mobster memorabilia. Tasteful wall art shows off your personality and adds depth to a room. Change the focal point of your bachelor pad with a well placed personalized bar sign.
Framed Pictures are a Chick Magnet
Women gravitate toward them, and judge with an iron fist. You pictures show your history, values and passions. Pictures of you with the family are great. Pictures of you and the ex are not.
The point of a bachelor pad is to create a home fit for a man. Keep an eye for detail. Stay classy and choose comfort over style. And do not put a reed diffuser anywhere. Remember, you're a man.
The 10 Commandments of the Slurpee
Posted August 27, 2009 11:53 AM
Slurpees mean many things to many people. Back in the days when alcohol wasn't an option, a Slurpee was a refreshing substitute. When we were kids, Slurpees kept us cool on hot days and sugar buzzed on boring ones. Slurpees not only tasted amazing (and still do), they made the perfect sludge to pour over your friend's head as an ice-cold prank.
In honor of the beverage we love so much, Guyville.com presents you with The 10 Commandments of the Slurpee.
Handed down on paper cups to man in 1959 by way of a Kansas hamburger stand, these commandments are the imperatives that serve as the moral foundation for Slurpee enjoyment and promotion. The holy covenant between man and 7-11:
- I am the Slurpee and there shall be no other carbonated iced beverages before me.
- Doth not attempt to create a false Slurpee. Get thee to a 7-11.
- Doth not take the Slurpee name in vain. Always speak well of the Slurpee.
- Remember that 7-11 is always open and therefore, everyday is Slurpee Sabbath.
- Honor thy Slurpee machine and wait until the orange light goes off. It shall tell ye when it is ready.
- Doth not kill a Slurpee. Thy brain will freeze.
- Stay true to thy Slurpee. Doth not commit adultery with Icees, Slushies or Squishees.
- Doth not steal Slurpees. Always pay at the counter.
- Doth not be untrue to thy Slurpee, always drink out of the official Slurpee cup. They are inventory after all.
- Thou shalt not covet another man's Slurpee. Get thy own.
- Thou shalt not judge another man's Slurpee flavor combination.
Follow these commandments as they have been laid out for ye and ye shall find yourself in the good graces of flavor, tingly tastebuds and refreshing cool slurps. For extra caution, an 11th commandment has been added to protect the multi-Slurpee flavor believer.
Depp will not star in Don Quixote film
Posted August 10, 2009 12:10 PM
Looks as though Johnny Depp will not be starring in the film about the famous literary figure Don Quixote. After a string of disasters that have led to monumental filming delays, Depp - according to news sources - is walking away from director Terry Gilliam's project.
Gilliam had managed to get Johnny Depp and Jean Rochefort to star in the movie way back in 2000. The weather damaged sets and scheduling issues have pushed scheduling for the Don Quixote based film back an entire decade.
Paula Abdul quits "American Idol"
Posted August 5, 2009 9:58 AM
Whether you loved her or you hated her, Paula Abdul will not be returning for a ninth season as a judge on the hit reality show American Idol.
Though we won't be missing Paula's presence on American Idol, it is certain she did fill a space on the judges panel that will be tough - if not impossible - to replace.
If you're saddened by the news that Paula is leaving, or if you're jumping for joy; moments like these call for a drink. And for just such an event, isn't it nice to know you have your dandy flask handy? Oh, you don't own a flask?













